HEGEMONIC ROMANTIC LOVE
We, westerners, are collectively suffering from ‘anorexia natura’.
…to express ‘eternal love’ to your ‘just met love of your life’ seemsm preposterous.
To find the ideal partner, to search for your soulmate, to surf the net for years for the only one, is the outcome of long-term alienation (loss of love/warm, trust) in our daily human relationships in our families, in our neighborhoods, in our schools and at work.
Looking at love manifestations in nature, between males and females, between mothers, fathers and their young we experience what we miss in our own family, social, and work relationships.
Disney and other movies are preying on our deprivation of need to love and be loved. E.T. is not a children’s film but about loss of our loving potential as adults. The same with Lion King,
Modern pop and rock scenes/songs are overflowing with this hegemonic romantic, and always painful ending, love.
Freedom of individual choice, even in finding your spouse, has ran into a state amok.
A wise medicine man told me, in the eighties of the last century ironically, of this white man’s foolishness:
‘The choice of mate selection is too big and too important to leave it to young female’s and male’s raging hormones.’ ()
Fatal attraction (marital psychological-symbolic-physical violence and violent divorces) in romantic twice- and same-sex relationships is the outcome of a western long term modernity ‘social system error’ (in a ‘as normal experienced’ runaway state).
Next to the man-made pain which is involved is the intergenerational damage done to the children of massive social, emotional, societal and economic proportions.
Leonard Cohen didn’t see it coming the ‘stalketive violence’ of, as he saw her, his closest female friend with whom he once had consumed a short term sexual relationship.
This system error is not grabbing everyone of course.
Millions of ordinary people and couples, cautious of being trapped into hypes, hyves, frenzies and social media contagions, are more realistically looking for a partner.
And if they find each other take careful and smart steps to slowly get to know each other.
Building a bond which lasts and may become full of joy on in all everyday, social, emotional, verbal, sexual and spiritual love.
Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, traveled the world to and cross-culturally love relationships.
One of her cultural self-relfections on USA society is that seeking a love partner and creating a long-lasting relationship is deeply drenched with projections of lacking deep-safe, warm, relationships in our daily lives as youngsters and children.
The accepted Western cultural pattern is to project our romantic fantasies, based on meagered family structures, on strangers more readily than we ‘fall in love’ with people we already know.
ship with unrealistic